meaningless

how marvellous! how wonderful! i carry water, i cut wood!
- zen layman (tang dynasty)

don't you wish you could have that kind of an outlook on life?

learning to live with boredom and loneliness is indeed excruciating.....

the holidays have dragged on for four days and believe it or not, i keep wishing that it would be over soon. the shops are closed, the roads are empty, everyone seems to be away, everything is quiet and it's making me lose my mind.

i come to the office early in the morning trying to write some reports but everything feel sluggish. when i go back home there is no one and nothing to do. i have to sleep early at night just to kill off this pain of loneliness.

friday night cy came over, and suggested some boozing. we hooked up with fat dan and rounded up four joints - marcopolo, netalive, hometown (that hated hole), before i finally suggested sungaimas. we had three nice tator girls frolicking with us in that shifty joint - mine was the hottest - we had some great fun, i got slightly fucked up and left at 4:30.

just the kind of meaningless shit i've been trying to stay away from, but in the end i carded a few hundred bucks down the drain, started puffing again like a chimney and woke up the next day with a fucking horrible hangover. fortunately two of the girls refused my invitation to take them home, otherwise i'd end up dirtying my dick again only to regret it and keep worrying about aids.

ah fuck...! great fun yeah, but meaningless empty hollow shit. just like my tragic life.

bussiness plans are not moving... not fucking moving!

from the short conversation with ray the other day, it seemed the old man is no longer pushing to push my share application. the mb venture with tony seems too far-fetched, the mushroom plant is practically history, and the longjack idea seems ridiculuous and illegal.

looks like i'll be stuck here for a while..

what atrocious sin have i commited, god?