Mixed Emotions

The car gives me mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I love the way it looks, the driving is fantastic, the stereo is superb. On the other, it keeps reminding me of what a big use of money she is. The installment alone is 1700, even after a hefty downpayment of more than 40k. petrol consumption is definitely higher, and I shudder to think about how much the maintenance is gonna cost me. She also tends to restrict my freedom, as I worry about parking her out of sight, and worry about her being seen by fellow colleagues.

Work is not getting better. The work is definitely much less now, but it doesn’t provide any comfort at all. If anything it makes me feel redundant and ignored. Many more people have left the company, and I am particularly sad that chris and LP are also leaving. I never have many friends here, and even the few people I know have begun to leave.

The job feels meaningless, lacking prospect and very lonely. But at least the pay is alright. Nevertheless I have begun to explore opportunities so it might mean having to change again.

Stayed home on weekends, no friend, no woman, no target. That account girl is showing interest I think, but im not too sure anymore. And its too awkward and risky making my move in the office.

I’ve achieved some of the things I dreamed about for so long – a job in the city, a city apartment (the view is definitely a bonus) and a nice car. They don’t appear like lofty goals now but for the longest time they were my utmost desires. However that worst case scenario – of being home alone at 35 strumming my guitar looks a definite possibility with less than a month to go.