The Tragic Threshold

will there be a way out of this, ever?

my busy weekends trying to put my life in order had turned into extremely lonely weekends. i had nothing to, nowhere to go and it sometimes feel very hard to continue.

negative feelings are all around. i feel guilty bout my old parents living all alone, and i know they would like to see me more often, but i just couldn't bear to spend any time with them. i keep feeling this anger and hatred for my family, particularly my bro who is planning his migration. he needs to sell the house, i prefer to keep it and now i dont see any way to get out of this deadlock. for years now he'd been mocking my pathetic life, and flaunting his so-called wealth and acting fucking patronising it just burns me with anger.

its very tiring living alone, i have to wash, cook or have dinner all alone. shopping or doing anything is embarassing all alone. a few times i have tried to go out and walk around shopping malls in the hope of finding someone but the crowd, and the embarassment just made me so angry.

life just feels meaningless and so hard.

the tragic date is coming and i have to cross the threshold to old age all alone, with no hope for a companion or a dream future.