New Year Blues

looks like another painful entry..

i have to say i'm glad 2 see the back of the year of the ox. i thought the year of the dog (2006) was my worst but last year was equally as horrible.

2nd day of the new year and ive gone AWOL. as much as i'd like to meet up with some old friends i've gotten too worked up about things at home that i had to leave. this year feels a little strange. usually it would be windy and cool but this time the weather is incredibly hot. the roads appear empty and everyhting feels quiet.

so here i am sitting at old town coffee all alone, feeling like my head is about to crack. the new year has started on a pretty bad note, i've felt lots of rage and anger over things which may not be that important and this worries me so much that i feel its best to go into hiding.

i'm actually relieved that i already lasted almost five months on the job, but now what?

the job is tough and doesn't seem to have good long-term prospects. i dont have real friends at the office and don't get much support from anyone. outside of work i sleep in a small room in a house with other tenants i barely know, and don't have any real friends. i still drive my old car and feel embarassed to be seen in it.

needless to say, it's a struggle just to get by and i don't know what to do anymore.

it's the new year and as much as i try to stay positive, cheerful and upbeat i can't beat the blues. my pain has gone on for too long im not sure how much i still have in me to fight on.