2010 Summary

A year of hard work, uncertainty and anxiety but of considerable improvement in finances. These were the highlights:

1. Work

Unbelievable really…after more than year working I still feel so unsettled, and that I could lose my job at any moment. It was so hard and lonely - I have absolutely no friend at the workplace, and have almost no support from anyone but plenty of opposition to my job. I couldn’t sleep many nights and almost hand in my resignation after that early morning bust-up with PD one day.
Speaking of PD, he was one person that completely dominated my thoughts for almost the entire year. An almost impossible person to work with I had to endure painful days with him until one day, like I had wished for so fervently, a change of management resulted in myself not having to report to him again. Unbelievable though, many things I wished for at work did come true – one after another – like there was some magic at work.

2. CT

My new apartment, what can I say? I absolutely, absolutely love it. Enough said. Waited forever to own something like this but finally its mine. A city apartment, and that golf course view is just unbelievable.

3. Vietnam

Another of those places that I so dreamed of going, and finally got the chance to do so. Too bad our projects there appear dead for now. Met a girl whom I thought was close to perfect, and who appeared (unbelievably) smitten by me. The most unforgettable thing about Vietnam however were the massages and handjobs I got at the hotel in Dalat. Unbelievably good, in a posh room and by ladies so pretty it took some believing.

4. Shanghai

Finally got the monkey off my back, it was a pleasant but not particularly memorable trip. It felt amazingly good however, to have been able to travel at my own expense and in comfort.

A new car? Maybe not

Good golly..what a headache..

I’d been dreaming of this car the Volvo s40 for a while now. Really dreamt about driving it at night, a few times. Went to all the showrooms available in town and beyond, and tested drive it so many times it was beginning to feel like my own car.



Finally decided to purchase on with conditions : 3-year free service, 5-year warranty and a RM5000 discount. Got my cheque book out, went to the dealership one fine morning and was served by a very pleasant, sexy even (although middle-aged) lady. My conditions were met, I even got my preferred number and I was prepared to sign on the cheque.

I had spent half a day at the dealership, but then the registration number booking procedure took a while. I excused myself to get lunch but however went home and started getting extremely racked with doubts.

I have a car, already! Though it isn’t the nicest car to drive its functional. I have all the money, but why would I want to buy another piece of depreciating metal? 7 or 9 years of commitment? But wait a minute, I can’t go on driving this junk! It would mean no social life, no dates! But it frees me of financial worries.
But my job is unstable. I might even get a pay cut. I might be terminated. Or I might want to leave and seek opportunities overseas, or do my MBA.
I have bought another house this year. Now, a luxury car? God can’t be that kind to me!

I suppose, again, when it comes to spending money i am extremely stingy - fearful of going through shits that i went through before, and horrified at the thoughts of parting with what i had so painfully amass.

The most ridiculous episode of having a cold feet that has ever happened. I don’t remember ever being in such a confused state of indecision. This went on for two days (the duration of the promotion), before I had to concede defeat and decided not to commit.

Driving that junk ? with the broken power window? I’m still reeling from this... at the same time feeling ashamed of my indecisiveness.

Slowly picking up

The year is almost over.

For the last few months things were very uncertain at work. Management changes, work plan changes, and i have even heard a rumour about my being 'on the list' of people deemed redundant. Really there isnt much that I can do and when if it really happens i will just have to accept it.

I'm pretty pleased with my apartment. Just having a place to relax, cook my food on weekends, watched dvd's on the flatscreen and surf the net in private is enough make me feel close to bliss.

I still need to change my car, but with all these uncertainties at work i just do not dare. Only when i get a new car - that volvo S40 looks tempting - will i consider myself to be standing again.

One thing that sometimes bug me considerably is the loneliness, and anxiety about not having found anyone. My fear, and this horrifying vision I had when i was younger - of being 35 and still sitting alone playing my guitar is very, very close to becoming a reality.

The year had been hard, uncertain and lonely but at least I managed to crawl out of my shit. I feel things are picking up, but this job uncertainties threatens to unravel all this development.

China and her Trains

The china trip went well. Just an easy-going getaway without any drama.

My host was very, very nice and good but like i had always felt - she just wasnt my type.

The weather was fantastic. Shanghai was pleasant, but not as advanced as I had expected. The bullet trains blew me away though. I remember we took a slow train from Shanghai to Beijing and it was awful - but a nice experience of being in a crowded Chinese train. I must have seen the scene in a movie before because when i looked at the people in there i felt like i was in a movie. Across my seat, a guy sat quietly eating a hamburger with a frown. Two young men -buddies- sat next to him (and directly in front of me) and looked at me funny. They were ugly, like typical chinese from the countryside. There was very little leg room, and not enough space to place my luggage we were all squeezed. I kept wondering what i would have been like, and what i would have been doing, should my ancestors never leave china.

From Jiaxing the next day we were to catch a train to Hangzhou, so i was expecting roughly a similar kind of rough ride. The train station was new, although we had to pass through some poor roads to get there. Imagine my surprise when standing at the platform, and a state-of-the-art bullet train suddenly pulled in. My jaw almost dropped. The train was new, it had computerised digital dispaly and pretty conductors, and it travelled at a cool 350 km/h. CRH - the world's fastest bullet train, and i was in it. wow.




Hangzhou was alright but didnt feel that special. It was crowded and misty, and really was just one huge lake garden.

Jiaxing was just like a any other chinatown in South-east Asia. Walking on the streets one day, i felt like we were in Saigon.

A notable place was the ancient, reconstructed i think, water-town of Wuzhen near Jiaxing. The place was so pretty i find it hard to believe that it could be real. It look like a huge movie set, so i thought many period movies would have been shot here. If they were to put some people there walking around in ancient chinese robes it would have been an unbelievable sight.



Overall, China feels like and interesting and safe place, but there was nothing that special about it. One thing is certain for me - as bad as things may be in my country i don't think i would ever want to move to China. There are just too many people.