'Happy' Dragon Year

For weeks leading up to this i had been feeling uneasy. there was rage and frustration and lots of anger bubbling up inside. i had cursed loudly a driver who knocked on my side window, lost temper with an office clerk, ignored rudely and old woman beggar and generally felt pissed off at many things.

the year had finally come - my OWN year. one i had waited for a long time.

perhaps it was this anticipation that created this whole misery. i realised that i have not achieved much, do not have a social life, do not have a good family relationship, do not have a career i enjoy and feel proud of, and worst of all do not have a partner.

i had been dreading to go home, yet i had never failed to go home each year so i knew it was something i must do. on the back of all this i also have this uneasy thoughts that this could (god forbid) be my dad's final new year with him being so old.

i delayed my trip to the last few hours, part of it was due to having to clean my apartment to perfection. when i left at around 2pm, the highway was a little congested but it was ok, i actually felt kind of happy driving home.

when i finally reach my house, my mood immediately soured. my bro was already there in his room that i had told my dad to clear before. bro had sold the house to me, i felt like i had paid him more than what was deserved yet he still was squatting there in the master room. i felt great rage, and a sense of injustice.

i proceeded to clean my car and then bro and his wife walked in. they greeted me but i ignored them completely, didn't even look at them. how could they still unashamedly hang around there and walked in like its their own house? i thought it was all over after i paid him the money, i was looking forward to welcome the new year in my 'new' house but it wasn't meant to be. the house although cleaned and painted in some parts did not look that impressive, proof that no one has cared enough about it. i had wanted to come back earlier to decorate it but did not have any time. there were some lights that were not working, there was a huge leak, the porch floor was damaged - it all added to my despair and anger.

the reunion dinner was the shortest i ever had. i almost didn't touch the food and left immediately. i went back to the house and just watched the t.v, heaving and puffing with anger, misery and negativity.

i couldn't sleep so although i was tired i was able to stay awake until midnight came. i turned on all the lights in the house but didn't feel any much happiness, only misery. the two of them walked in just after midnight and walked up to their room, no word spoken by me.

i slept in the living hall, it wasn't comfortable and i was up as early as 7:30. went to greet my parents in the old house. my head was groggy and my forehead felt knotted. i couldn't think straight, there was anger and disgust and great discomfort.

when dad finally spoke and suggested for me to be a little happier i almost lashed out about the source of my misery. told him and ma that i was upset that bro was still in the house. managed to stay calm then suggested to go to the temple with pa.
it was a short visit, pa wasn't seem to be into it anyway.

it was only about 9 am when i left the whole thing. this was supposed to be MY year!

back in kl i sat around in misery and couldn't wait for the day to end. the whole drama was probably an over-reaction but i couldn't help feeling pissed completely. i never wanted to meet anyone from the family anyway, so it could even be a subconscious excuse. i had to refrain from crying, i even felt like ending it all.

Year of the Dragon

Last year's horoscope's review:

1. More secure, balanced and steady year. Might get restless of the slow pace.
Very true.

2. Money luck improves. Some unexpected windfall. Good for investment
More money, but mainly from work. Bought some stocks which remain pretty much steady.

3. Chance for travel
There were only two, which were personal and pretty good.

4. Laying foundations for the coming year
NOt sure what this is.

5. Peach blossom luck
Yes, many dates in the 2nd half, but nothing came out of it.

6. Prone to melancholy
1st half yes.

7. Genearally good-very good year
Agreed.

This year's horoscope are a little bit hard to determine, as different websites and books gave almost conflicting suggestions. While many agree that dragons will never have a good dragon year, and will also offend the duke of jupiter this year, some claim that it will be a stellar year where everything happens. Anyway my best summary will be:

1. Average - poor year. Or can have either good or bad year with successes and failures magnified (conflicting).
2. Many obstacles in career. Arguments, trouble, competition and extra work.
3. Many arguments and family relationship problems.
4. Money stable but no luck. Expenses grow.
5. Poor health/ prone to accidents or surgeries.
6. No romance luck, or might meet the right person early in the year (conflicting again).
7. Spring is Dragon's favorite time. It is during this period that he will take significant decisions and sharply turn his life if this has become necessary.

2012 Resolution

1. Find a wife
Every effort must be made to go out and socialise more.

2.Run a half marathon.

3.Get equity savings up to RM100k, not including unit trusts and stocks. (Currently 62k)

4. Visit Europe, Sydney or US. See snow.

5. Get a six pack, finally.

6. Volunteer or look for ways to do charity

7. Socialise, and find ways to build a circle of friends.

8. Learn to deal and cope with frustration/rage/anger.

2011 Summary

As predicted, this was indeed a very slow-paced year. It however marked a turning point where all the hardships and trauma of the last few years appeared to have finally, finally passed.

1. Work

Tremendous changes at the start of the year. The impossible person i had to work with left under pressure, to my utmost delight. From then onwards there were great adjustments to be made, but eventually everything settled into a mundane, dull, routine job with no interesting development. Although for most of the time i felt solid like a rock, I didnt do much, and didnt accomplish much (expect to have that reflected in the soon to be announced annual bonus and increment). There were great disappointment seeing other people being rewarded with promotions but i came to realise that it was probably fair.

2.Social Life

By the time i got the house and car sorted, four months of the year had passed. all of of sudden i felt like i was standing again, and it was time to get a life. it however took a few ridiculously painful months of loneliness before anything happened. i remembered crying at night realising i had absolutely anyone to talk to. The biggest breakthrough happened with the social group i joined. it was fantastic when i first joined but eventually i had to avoid them as i got tired of the bitching, jealousy, gossiping and drama that was so rampant within the group.

3. Birds

After a long winter..a bird came - introduced by a friend. no interest. then another came, then another, then more. and suddenly i was overwhelmed with women to the point of getting sick and tired of all these dramas. it appeared like women everywhere were attracted to me, and i was pretty surprised by this development. the sad thing was.. none of them worked out. but some were really good while they lasted, i could only looked back and smiled. i almost fell for someone, only for her to bolt suddenly, also i broke at least two hearts. there were at least another two very clear, absolute offers for sex that i turned down.. and apart from some unexpected handjobs in china i was completely abstinent until the final few days of the year when i met Quin.

4. Shenzhen

Not a memorable trip, but it was good relaxation. Wrongly chose the dead of summer to visit when the heat was unbearable.

5. Marathon

My first marathon almost became the highlight of this rather dull year. the whole trip, preparation and interesting company was rather memorable.

6. Saigon

The last few days of the year was the mother of all events. It saved what would have been a rather dull and disappointing year. Meeting Quin and spending those awesome days and nights with her was definitely the best moments of the year, if not my life.

The year started off painful.. past the halfway mark it got interesting.. towards the end it turned dissappointing and melancholy.. but at last it ended with a bang.

Probably the thing i am most thankful for was seeing my life being rebuilt after those agonising years. The year had not been stellar, but it was pretty smooth and hopefully will start a foundation to better days.